yuck

just blowing off steam...this November has not been all good but then neither has it been all bad, I went into a mild depression and when I realized what it was that was dragging me down I had to give myself a good talking to. When you give birth to a child you pray and wish nothing but the best for that child, you try your best in raising this child to be a good person. When this child grows up and takes the wrong direction you beat yourself up trying to figure out what went wrong. You try to fix your child, you give and give and give, you take abuse, you make excuses for the way things happen, you walk on egg shells trying not to upset this child of your heart.  Well after all this time I have now come to the understanding that I am not responsibile for the choices an adult child makes, you guide, you let go, you let the child succeed or fail, you step back and try not to interfer, you stay in the background and if and when this child needs you, or wants you then you can step up. This I have done time after time. I am now done. I love this child with all my heart but I don't like or maybe its disapointment or maybe is it just being tired of being kicked aside and blamed for all of this childs problems because this child cannot or will not take responsilbity for their own problems. I don't have answers, I cannot let this bring me down, I have to understand that this child has made her own choices and has decided to cut us off so, I am not going to dwell on this after this posting. I just needed to let off my frustrations. That was problem number 1.

Problem number 2, my baby girl is having to go through the worries and gut wrenching waiting game for her biopsy, they found 5 lumps and a cluster in her breast, she went in for s simple aspiration biopsy but no fluid was found so she had to go through the cutting biopsy. Now we play the waiting game.  29 years ago I went through the same thing and what makes this really hit home it at the same time frame that I did this, I had my biopsy and right after we left for San Diego for Christmas...I truly put it out of my mind, I was in such denial. When I got back to work after a week the DR. office called me and gave me my results over the telephone. 29 years ago cancer was a death notice, so much has advanced since then that if and I say if her biopsy comes back positive I am so sure all will be a good outcome and she will be just fine and I will go to be with her if it comes to that.  But we are all praying that the biopsy will come back negative.

Problem number 3...My daughter has wonderful in laws and they are now going through the forgetting time of their lives, her fil had a heart attack this week and he is not doing so well, so we are praying for him and her mil.

Problem number 4...oh...there isn't one, well that is a blessing. Today is the last day of November tomorrow is a new month and a new begining so I am letting go of the negatives and will focus on the positives.

I do have so many blessings that out weigh the not so good things, I know they come around every now and then to give me a wake up call as to how good my life really is and the not so good things are just a bump in the road which I have to plow away and take the bumps away.

that is my ranting now I give thanks for my children, my grandchildren and great grandchildren and most of all my husband, who is my life, my best friend and I love him with all my heart.