sadness

Tomorrow is Mothers Day but for me it makes me sad, I have several reasons for not liking Mothers Day, the main reason is I don't have my mother to celebrate with anylonger, so if you have your mothers please let them know how special they are to you and hug them and tell them you love them unconditionaly, I know we are human and we make mistakes and sometimes we are not understood or taken the wrong way but we love and we hurt and we can be saddend.

The other reason for sadness this year is something I never thought I would experience within my family and children, I know there are spats from time to time but I never thought there would be such a big break in my family and have it split so deeply that right now I do not see any healing and that makes me so sad. I would love to be able to talk to all my children and share my thoughts and feelings and be able to talk about the funny, sad, happy, trials, gains, that each will experiance within their families and not feel like I am stepping on egg shells in case I say something to one that might make the other upset and make situations worse, I cannot nor will I try to fix it and try to set things right, I just cannot do it. I love all my children, I hurt for all my children.

I have never experienced such deep sadness in my life as I have been feeling for the past few years, I don't like this feeling, I want to be happy, I want to laugh, I want to feel great. I will just have to work at it and hope my remaining years will be good ones with great memories.