moving again

ok,  Del has been after me for over a year trying to entice me to like Las Vegas and when ever we go down to visit our friends he tries to point out the positives and of course I point out the negatives.  This past couple of weeks were a bit trying for me and this past week while he was down there he was talking alot about returning to Vegas,  I finally gave in and agreed to the move but not until Feb or March.  We have to try to save money for deposits because it will be costly.  We will rent a storage shed and start boxing up items that we do not use and start uncluttering the house.  He is so excited and he is so happy that I finally agreed.  He told me that he was going to spoil me something fierce.

Our move to Vegas will be a good one, it is time for just he and I and to enjoy our time we have left on this good earth. We still have lots of connections down there and there are a lot of things we like to do.  Emmet was so funny he sent home tape and a trunk full of newspapers for me and he tells Del now don't push on her she just might dig in her heels, hahahahahha.... Emmet said he was just helping.

I feel so relieved now that everyone is onboard with this move. Yes it is going to be hard in some ways to leave the little ones, but in other ways it will be good.  At least we are not thousands of miles away.  We can still come several times a year up here and if the kids ever want to come to Vegas to enjoy a holiday they will have built in baby sitters.

I am content with this decision and I feel a ton of weight lifted off my chest.

I am starting to dislike summers

I don't know what it is about the summers with family members?  Why is there always have to be drama?  I tried to stay out of all the drama this year, I had made up my mind awhile back that each of my family members had to have their own box and to just keep them in that box, to just talk about what is good that is happening, not to stir up any problems and to just keep it to their own.  Well I guess even that does not work.  I get dragged into it and this time not even knowing all the whats and ifs and the whys, I just did not want to know.  I am told I was reaponsible for not stopping stuff from happening and called vulgar names by Kevin and his wife and I blocked them from face book, then I get a text from Catherine telling me I am dead to her and not to ever contact or talk to her ever again, so be it.  Then out of the blue I get another text from Eliabeth (Maura's daughter) blaming me for allowing someone calling her a name and not reporting it to her, now why would I report it to her unless I wanted to stir up trouble? Anyway I don't even remember if I had that conversation with the person she said had said it and all she would tell me is someone told her and they did not even live in the same state as she does. Then Maura starts in once again with me and when something had happened earlier this summer I told her I did not want to hear about it and she got very upset about that and it has been all down hill since. 

Del went to Vegas last week and was not aware of all of this happening and he has been kinda talking about Vegas for awhile now but I kept showing him the negative and convincing him that our lives were up here in Northern Nevada, Well anyway, he decided that he wanted to relocate back to Las Vegas and he was going to try to slowly get me to agree. When he got home and saw what was happening and how it was affecting me,,he brought up Vegas again, So this time I agreed with him and our eta will be Feb or March of moving back to Vegas. He said maybe taking me out of the direct hits that I could be left out of all drama and it would just be him and I and he promised to spoil me even more for agreeing to this move. Maybe it is what is needed..Maybe all of this type of drama has always been there but I never saw it because I was removed from the every day scene so when we did see the kids it was vacation time and it was enjoyable time. Maybe I am not suppose to be in the day to day lives of my children.  They are all grown up and they all have their own lives, maybe they were never all close to each other for one reason or the other and I never saw it because I wanted them all to be family and to be happy with each other and to love each other. Maybe that was never there in the first place.  What ever the reason is I just cannot deal with it anymore.  I have shed more tears in the last  4 years than I have my whole life time. I am not happy or contented even though I tried to be. Now don't get me wrong there has been some wonderful memories and lots of fun time during this era, but the saddness overwhelms the good and I do not like feeling like this.  I want to live out the rest of my life being happy, enjoying what time I have left on this earth, and if removing myself from the center of my children's lives then that is what I have to do and I have to keep them in their own little boxes and I have to visit them in their own boxes.  One of my daughters told me that if there are things that are not right just to put it down in the disposal and wash it away.  Easier said then done but I will try. One of the first things I did was to shut down my facebook account. Yes withdrawals hahahahhha...but you know what, I had a life before facebook and I will continue to have a life after facebook.

adding a new family member

on April 27th 2013 we added a new member to our family. Our grandson Alexander married Kristen and started on a life journey. The wedding was really nice and the day beautiful and the bride and groom were the prince and the princess of the day. Kristen is the perfect half to Alexander, she is beautiful inside and out, she brings out the best in Alexander. Welcome to our family.

This week, today, May 6th Alexander is leaving for boot camp to become an Airman in the USAF. He will be awesome and a new adventure awaits the new married couple. Kristen will make a good military wife and she will support Alexander in what ever it is that is in store for him.  Our family is blessed with a great number of people in our family either by birth or by marriage. In my dreams I could never have seen this unfold. 4, daughters, 22 grandchildren (not counting spouses) and 14 great grandchildren, what a legacy.

Happy

tonight we went to Marina's house to celebrate the Feb birthday's. I loved being surrounded by our family. All the little g-kids and g g-kids, and grown g-kids.  I loved that Maura and her family was there. It was just a happy evening and I am so blessed with family.

A New Year and A New Begining

We are in a New year and it is time to put away all the old negative, sad, and hurtful feeling of last year, It is time to create a new peaceful, happy, and thanks for all the good things that come into ones life. I have so many things to be thankful for, I have 3 wonderful daughters and one who is my heart but, oh well, that is one of things that I must put away so my new begining of this year can start off in a good way. I have 21 wonderful grandchildren, 12 beautiful great grandchildren and one more to add in this year will bring the count up to 13, I have a husband who is my heart, my life, my best friend, what more could I really ask for?  we have our health, we have a roof over our heads, food to feed us when we are hungry, there are times when we can help others who have less. We have our quiet faith. Welcome New Year of 2013.

Benign

I love that word,,,,good news today, our daughters biopsy came back BENIGN.....that is a good word is it not?  Thank you God....you answered our prayers....Happy dance, Happy smile, happy laugh..HAPPY HEART....

yuck

just blowing off steam...this November has not been all good but then neither has it been all bad, I went into a mild depression and when I realized what it was that was dragging me down I had to give myself a good talking to. When you give birth to a child you pray and wish nothing but the best for that child, you try your best in raising this child to be a good person. When this child grows up and takes the wrong direction you beat yourself up trying to figure out what went wrong. You try to fix your child, you give and give and give, you take abuse, you make excuses for the way things happen, you walk on egg shells trying not to upset this child of your heart.  Well after all this time I have now come to the understanding that I am not responsibile for the choices an adult child makes, you guide, you let go, you let the child succeed or fail, you step back and try not to interfer, you stay in the background and if and when this child needs you, or wants you then you can step up. This I have done time after time. I am now done. I love this child with all my heart but I don't like or maybe its disapointment or maybe is it just being tired of being kicked aside and blamed for all of this childs problems because this child cannot or will not take responsilbity for their own problems. I don't have answers, I cannot let this bring me down, I have to understand that this child has made her own choices and has decided to cut us off so, I am not going to dwell on this after this posting. I just needed to let off my frustrations. That was problem number 1.

Problem number 2, my baby girl is having to go through the worries and gut wrenching waiting game for her biopsy, they found 5 lumps and a cluster in her breast, she went in for s simple aspiration biopsy but no fluid was found so she had to go through the cutting biopsy. Now we play the waiting game.  29 years ago I went through the same thing and what makes this really hit home it at the same time frame that I did this, I had my biopsy and right after we left for San Diego for Christmas...I truly put it out of my mind, I was in such denial. When I got back to work after a week the DR. office called me and gave me my results over the telephone. 29 years ago cancer was a death notice, so much has advanced since then that if and I say if her biopsy comes back positive I am so sure all will be a good outcome and she will be just fine and I will go to be with her if it comes to that.  But we are all praying that the biopsy will come back negative.

Problem number 3...My daughter has wonderful in laws and they are now going through the forgetting time of their lives, her fil had a heart attack this week and he is not doing so well, so we are praying for him and her mil.

Problem number 4...oh...there isn't one, well that is a blessing. Today is the last day of November tomorrow is a new month and a new begining so I am letting go of the negatives and will focus on the positives.

I do have so many blessings that out weigh the not so good things, I know they come around every now and then to give me a wake up call as to how good my life really is and the not so good things are just a bump in the road which I have to plow away and take the bumps away.

that is my ranting now I give thanks for my children, my grandchildren and great grandchildren and most of all my husband, who is my life, my best friend and I love him with all my heart.