frustrations continue

I have never had so much discord in my life as I am now experiencing in my later years. When I was younger and my husband was in the military and had to leave us months at a time I never experience the discord I now feel, I had to take care of 4 children by myself, I had a husband who at a whim would decide to move us, but in all of this I had the feeling of love, I had the feeling of togetherness, I had the feeling of family. Now in my later life I feel the disconnection of my family, I do not feel togetherness, I feel adrift in my life and I don't like it. I don't know how to fix it, I am so lost right now, no contentment, just frustrations. I have four daughters but I have to keep them in separate compartments in my heart and in my mind and that is so hard. We left Las Vegas to move to Alaska to have the family connection with our youngest daughter and her family, my oldest daughter also moved her family with us so we could continue the family togetherness but that did not happen and I don't have the answer. We returned to Nevada where we thought we would find the family togetherness and it has escaped us once again. I have to rethink my life and hope someday that all will be good again, in the meantime my one and only rock, my husband, will have to fill all the dispare I feel, all the frustrations I feel, all the lack of family togetherness I feel and he will have to be my rock, he will have to ground me, he will have to fill my heart with the love that I miss from my family, he will have to be my life.

Happy Mothers Day

I had a wonderful Mothers Day, in the early afternoon we went to Reno with Maura and Pete along with Pete's Mother and Dad, Josh, Lorraine and Dannie and I must not forget Marcus joined us, then there was Mary and her Mom, we had a really nice visit and a really nice light lunch, then this evening we went to Marina's house for dinner and it was a wonderful family gathering there, the Simpsons joined us, Brian's Mom and her friend came and he make the best lemon marauine pie, the tacos were wonderful, the kids were all there and it was so much fun to watch all the little ones playing and just having a wonderful time. I got roses from my hubby and a beautiful orchid plant from Maura and wonderful card greeting from the kids. I was wished a happy Mothers Day from Alaska from Catherine and Julia. All in All it made me feel very warm within my heart. I love my family.

sadness

Tomorrow is Mothers Day but for me it makes me sad, I have several reasons for not liking Mothers Day, the main reason is I don't have my mother to celebrate with anylonger, so if you have your mothers please let them know how special they are to you and hug them and tell them you love them unconditionaly, I know we are human and we make mistakes and sometimes we are not understood or taken the wrong way but we love and we hurt and we can be saddend.

The other reason for sadness this year is something I never thought I would experience within my family and children, I know there are spats from time to time but I never thought there would be such a big break in my family and have it split so deeply that right now I do not see any healing and that makes me so sad. I would love to be able to talk to all my children and share my thoughts and feelings and be able to talk about the funny, sad, happy, trials, gains, that each will experiance within their families and not feel like I am stepping on egg shells in case I say something to one that might make the other upset and make situations worse, I cannot nor will I try to fix it and try to set things right, I just cannot do it. I love all my children, I hurt for all my children.

I have never experienced such deep sadness in my life as I have been feeling for the past few years, I don't like this feeling, I want to be happy, I want to laugh, I want to feel great. I will just have to work at it and hope my remaining years will be good ones with great memories.

hip hip hoorah

My granddaughter Deborah is an author, her book "The Gifted" came out in published form and I bought my first one from Amazon then our friend Emmet came up from Las Vegas and he made off with my copy so what did I do? why of course what else does a grandmother does but go online and order three more copies, maybe I will be able to keep at least one of these copies. I am so proud of Deborah and her accomplishment. ps,,,all is well in this household, Del is doing just fantastic and getting back to his normal self without a stash. What a way to begin Spring. Congratulations go out to Deborah with lots of hugs and loves and kisses.

Our week in March

Just wanted to share our past week with you. Tuesday we took Del to the ER, he finally gave in and agreed to go, he had been up since 2 am with chest pains and sever stomach pains, he finally took a pain medication and slept most of Tuesday away. Anyway at ER they took him in right away and his enzymes's were elevated, his white cells were evlevated, had a slight temp, and blood pressure was way down. They admitted him to the hosptial and started running tests on him, it turned out his gallbladder was angry (gangrene) as his doctor said, that was causing the infection throughout his body, his ekg's were off a bit so they did nuke tests on him. They decided that he needed to have his gallbladder out immediatly so they did that on Thursday, in the meantime his sugars went crazy so they put him on insulin. He did not get to eat until Friday. We thought he was going to get to come home on Friday, he was happy and then the other shoe dropped. The Cardiologist was not happy with the results done on his heart so he scheduled him for the stress test on Saturday morning (the one where he lays down they pump him full of chemicals, run him through the tube, yep that is what they did. Well the doctor came back and said yes he did have a small heart attack but it was not active at this time but he said that Del will have to have follow up visits from now on so they can prevent anymore attacks. Del now has a new best friend, his Cardiologist. We fianlly got to bring him home Saturday afternoon with a boat load of meds. While he was in the hsopital we cleaned out his stash. He has a foot stool in his room that opens and in it we found See's candies, girl scout cookies, M&M's, snickers. No more stash for him, we are now using Mrs. Dash for seasoning and will be including much more fresh veggies and fruits in the diet. What a wake up call this one was. Anyway that was our week, thank goodness it is over and all turned out well.

A new Year and A new posting.

Welcome to my new site, hope you all had no problems finding me.

San Diego

I arrived in San Diego Thursday the 9th, My friend Linda picked me up at the airport at 11:30 we headed out for Coronado for lunch, it was so good, then we went and had a visit with my Dad at the Rehab center, I am so happy to report that he is doing so well, after our visit we went to the NEX so I could get some baby shower gifts for Saturday. Then we headed to the zoo, wow,,we only had one hour and the first place we headed for was the Panda Bears, since it was a bit after 4 pm they were out and active, that was so great, we saw the flamingos, and monkeys and we walked through an area that was very tropical, I want to go back when I can see it all. After the zoo we road through balboa park and then went to dinner at the fishhouse on the pier, yum yum, after that we went back to Coronado so we could see the Xmas lights and then back to Balboa to see the lights finally got to the house about 7:30pm, a long long day. Today I went to visit my mother-in-law for a bit then off to see my Dad, we talked and we walked and we sat and had coffee and a cookie together and then I was off to visit with my sister-in-law for a bit. Now I am back at the house relaxing. Tomorrow I will be going to a baby shower and will catch up with family that I have not seen in years, and I mean 10+ years so that will be fun.

I am so happy my Dad is doing so well and we are talking and he is telling me stories when he was a young sailor and places he has been.

Love you family, hug your family, enjoy your family, don't let time go by and then you say, I should have, I would have, just do it.